Embracing Internal Obstacles - Getting Honest With Yourself
part one
Shame & Blame
It’s called the red faced reaction, you know when you were a kid and you were suppose clean your room and you didn’t so your face turns red. When we haven’t been able to achieve what we desire, or there are those things we constantly have issues with, the thought of them makes our face red. We’re embarrassed, and we will keep being embarrassed and keep stunting our own growth until we admit our challenges and shed light on them.
“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable, if we speak shame it begins to wither. Just the way the exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to the shame and destroy it”
Like Brene Brown said, if something is difficult for you, it’s best to acknowledge it and admit it. The idea of admitting that we have an issue, that we are not good at time management, or we loathe cleaning, or we feel ashamed because we are not up to the physical abilities of where we think we should be can be really hard. We think that this will make us seem weak and we become ashamed, so we either; put blindfolds and ignore the issue or blame someone or something else for it when really at least 90% of the issues and the solutions are in our control.
This shame and blame leads to major roadblocks in our self-growth and in achieving the goals that we have set forth. What we can do is own our struggles, and by admitting to ourselves and others what we are challenged with the shame associated with them dissipates and our own inner power grows. The obstacles we associate with shame, are really just our inner self asking us to pay more attention, that in order for us to feel whole we must spend time and focus on what is a challenge so that we can become stronger, so that when we do progress the same issues don’t cause greater damage down the road.
To put my “money where my mouth is” here are some of my weaknesses, I’m putting them out there for all to see, in hopes that by owning them I can work on the solutions and move forward:
1.) Paperwork/mail – yup just writing it made my stomach turn, because of this aversion I’ve been late on bills and I actually have to retake a huge exam because I forgot to send in the additional money that would have prevented this. My solutions are simple, I have a loving husband who is far better at dealing with mail that I am so he sorts it for me, and most of my bills are payed online, so my credit score is rocking. As for the exam, I’m taking it as an expensive learning experience, I’m focusing on items that I didn’t really grasp the first time around and I will be more vigilant in the future when it comes to the final details.
2.) Unmanaged Time Management – Having a large chunk of time where nothing is in need of my urgent attention is a setup for disaster and can lead to guilt and remorse at the end of the day. If I am unmanaged hours will pass; I’ll still be in my pajama’s standing in the middle of the kitchen, probably forgetting about the tea I made 30mins ago, checking Instagram, with ½ the dishes done and the dog is at the door with her leash on and has been there for 10 minutes wondering if we’re actually going for that walk. What has worked for me is writing TO-DO lists. I write them the night before so that when I wake up I already have a written agenda. I can’t stress this enough, write it down, put it on paper not just in your head. This has been a huge game changer for me.
3.) Computer Work – I think this stems from my previous job where I would review data for 10+ hours a day, spending that much time in front of the computer ‘scarred’ me. But here’s the thing, I want to have a successful website, I want to help and inspire people in a larger spectrum so I kind of need to work on the computer. Knowing this I have come to realize I need to re-visit my website, make it seem less daunting, so that I can actually achieve what I want for a while and then expand when I am more comfortable and have been posting one a more consistent basis.
4.) Body Issues – Yes, I use to be heavier, but then I’ve also been thinner. Even as a child I hated getting my picture taken (which sucks now because looking at some of the photos we do have I was damn adorable). Recently I just posted a picture from now and one from six years ago to show my transformation. Here’s the thing, the transformed one I had originally deleted from my phone because I did not think I looked good. To own this, I found it in the cloud and posted it anyway. I have to be okay with showing myself, where I want to go in life and the amount of people I want to reach I can’t let this hold me back. In the world we live in now pictures and videos are a huge part of marketing.
5.) Keeping in Contact – Yes, this may be the hardest one. I miss my friends dearly, most do not live close to me, but I hardly ever call them. I tried once by calling a person every day, but it didn’t work, I was inconsistent and some people didn’t really want me to call them (which kind of hurt). I am socially awkward or maladjusted, I’m fine if I have a topic to discuss or if there’s a game to play but small talk just not my thing. I wish to see my friends more but then I get nervous about how is it going to go, what are we going to do, will they finally see how weird I am and maybe take a step back.
“Excuses are a list of self-imposed obstacles that prevent you from having a better life”
Look at the areas where you feel ashamed, or that you are not living up to what you envisioned. Then get completely honest with yourself, are you blaming others for areas that are truly in your control, or are you giving others power over parts of your life that you could and should have power over. Are you making up excuses as to why you haven’t been able to pay a single bill on time, why you’re chronically late to every meeting, why you’re not getting your butt off the couch? Listen to your body when you are asking these tough questions, sometimes the gut will tell you the truth long before the mind is willing to admit it.