Remove the Cone of Shame
“Tell me what you WANT, What you really, REALLY Want”
-The Spice Girls
It pains me to admit it, but I think the Spice Girls were on to something here. Do you know what you want, I mean do you know what you really, REALLY WANT?
Babies know what they want, what they don’t want, and have no problem expressing it. The pureed peas go in the mouth and come right back out. The desire to walk outweighs the pain of falling. Then there’s the pure joy of cake.
Yes, you are born knowing exactly what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy. Unfortunately, as you grow older and begin to integrate into society, you learn expressing those feelings as you once did, is no longer acceptable. In fact, children who continue to vocalize and express their feelings with the tact of a baby, may be called picky or even ungrateful. Don’t be so specific with what you want, let others decide what they want to give you and then act as if you wanted it. If the child version of you, continued to feel guilt or shame about expressing what you desired, eventually you end up not wanting to want anything anymore. Overtime, your inner voice, your innate guiding system, became harder for you to connect with.
That my dear readers, is a problem.
The kid who was silenced into a corner, wearing a cone of shame also knew all the answers without hesitation. If you’ve been having trouble making decisions, finding your path and knowing what you want, what you really, really want, then maybe it’s time for you to reconnect with your inner child and say:
“I’m sorry for how I made you feel when you were expressing yourself. I saw gratitude when you ate macaroni and cheese. I saw joy when you, body-surfed in the waves until you were a prune. I saw how much you loved that doll that was already beat up and falling apart long before it was yours. I’m glad you said no to dresses, and you didn’t make us play soccer when we really didn’t want to. I would love to hear about your wants and desires.”
To this day, I will specify exactly what I want to do for my birthday and have my husband just schedule it. For Christmas, I have no problem giving details on what I wish for. I don’t expect anyone to know me better than I know myself. We need to let ourselves and let others feel comfortable enough to be specific. We make several decisions every day, and we unconsciously follow our instincts. The more specific you are the easier it will be for you to navigate this blessed life.