The Second Judge Waddles Over To You
Down’s a PBR Tall Boy and says “can you believe the lot we’ve got in here tonight?”
Welcome Judge Carla (again name optional). Judge Carla, will cast judgement on others in just one glance and weave tall tales about them filling in blank, after blank, after blank. She is there to alert you to potential danger and always has your back. When you feel threatened by another Carla is quick to let you know who people “really are”:
“Of course, she gets the new client. The fitness manager always gives her the ones that are totally committed to changing.”
“She must feel so insecure about herself, in order to workout and eat healthy like she does. Probably completely superficial and not capable of a real conversation.”
“That bastard totally just cut you off ON PURPOSE. I’ve been watching him and I could tell he was just trying to get up here and cut you off. He must think he’s better than you.”
“Wow, did you see the car she was driving? Must be nice to have money, probably has no idea what it’s like to struggle. She definitely has her priorities backwards.”
Now, when you are in precarious perhaps even dangerous situations, these quick judgements could tell you who to trust. However, you can also feel threatened or insecure when you’re comparing yourself to others, and Carla takes these “threats” seriously. Judging others will temporarily take the focus off of you, easing your feelings of insecurity. Unfortunately, it is a temporary relief, and can lead to damaging relationships and creating feelings of resentment.
The best way to approach Carla, is by asking her questions based on what is truly known:
“Some of my favorite clients were set up through the Fitness Manager, so it can’t ALWAYS be happening, can it Carla?”
“You know what Carla, I don’t think I’ve actually ever talked with her, so there’s no way to know what she’s like. I could go talk with her and find out.”
“Yes, he did cut me off Carla, but he’s been cutting everyone off on his way up to me. In fact, he’s still weaving and bobbing through traffic ahead of me. Maybe I just let him be, and focus on the road.”
“Her car is really nice Carla, but I don’t know how she came about owning it or the reason why she chose it. Also, don’t you remember how excited I was when I bought mine? How can I admonish another for purchasing something they enjoy when I’ve done the same thing?”
That is how you deflate Carla’s trash talk. The less focus you put on others the better. She will try to make you feel better by pointing out the wrongs in others. Her comments usually stem from some prolonged pain or shame you’ve been experiencing at the hands of Ingrid (CLICK HERE to learn about your Inner Critic). When you weaken Ingrid, you also weaken Carla.
THIS WEEK: Notice when your focus strays towards others. Bring to light what you know vs the stories you’ve been told. Get curious about what pain your inner critic could be causing you that has you focusing on others, and then let it go.