Well, That Didn’t Go as You Wanted, But…
Don’t go Home Empty Handed.
The Gifts of Unfortunate Circumstances
Things happen: you didn’t get the job, the client signed up and then decided to cancel, your truck got a flat tire or it rained on your wedding day. How do you respond? Do you take that job rejection as a sign to not apply to any other jobs? That client that signed up and cancelled, are you taking it personally and now you’re afraid to reach out and offer your services to anyone else? Are you pissing and moaning at the tire shop, watching bad TV thinking about the money you’re spending and the money you’re losing? For the rest of your marriage, will you look at the wedding pictures, see the depression and sadness on your face and associate any miscommunications or troubles that may emerge in the relationship all back to that damn rain?
All of the above instances, are not the outcomes that anyone would hope for, but none of them would really be unique to a specific person. When you are faced with such circumstances, when things do not go your way, when you’re left wondering why is this happening to you, the question to ask yourself is “What is the gift in this?”. Yes, the gift, and there are three gifts to choose from!!!
1.) The Gift of Knowledge
This may be one of the easiest ones to implement. What can you learn from the situation? You did not get the job. Are you willing to contact HR and find out what it was about your application that left you out of contention? Having someone sign up for your services and then decide to cancel, would it be helpful for you to understand what created the change? Maybe you could learn that the initial package description wasn’t clear, or maybe it was nothing to do with you and your services but rather a personal issue came up for your client. Instead of taking it as a negative, instead of just assuming that you have nothing to gain from losing a client or missing out on a job opportunity take it as a chance to learn from the process. It’s never a loss if you learn from it.
2.) The Gift of Power
It rains on your wedding day. An outdoor wedding, you have a tent, but it is pouring and well the show must go on. Instead of crying and ruining your make-up before the rain does, ask “how will this make our marriage that much stronger?”. That’s right, they say “the wetter the rope the tighter the knot”, and well rain on your wedding day could strengthen that bond even more. You and your soon to be husband could laugh at it, and know that your love is stronger than any storm. You could take this and say yes, this is how we will weather a storm, together, embracing it, heck even having fun by making a slip and slide and having some of the most outrageous insane wedding pictures because you decide to laugh in the rain and let your love win over any storm.
3.) The Gift of Inspiration
You came home for three hours to take care of your pup and rejuvenate before teaching your weekly bootcamp when you notice your truck is leaning to one side. Walking around for further inspection, you find the tire is completely flat, and these are new tires. You call the gym, letting them know you won’t be in and when AAA does arrive, they can’t get the tire off and it needs to be towed, meaning no work for you tomorrow. You’re missing out on a significant amount of money and because you dismissed the optional tire insurance, you’ll be paying for a replacement tire. (Yes, this is a real Liz life example).
How can you find inspiration from this? You make sure to watch some inspirational videos. You get a day pass to a gym next to the tire place so you’re not just sitting around. You actually call that realtor about the house for sale down the street, only to find out that houses in your town are selling like hot cakes. You decide to put your condo on the market, selling it before the open house. Then you buy a farmhouse in the country where you, your husband and dog find the energy and space to become better versions of yourselves. All from a flat tire, because you decided to take an unfortunate event and find inspiration in it.
I understand with some events there is no real gift, and with others the gifts may not show themselves until years later. Like Shirzad Chamine explains, Newtonian Physics works for most phenomenon but when you get out to the extremes those laws no longer apply, and Quantum Physics are needed. Just because you may not be able to find the gift in the extremes, doesn’t mean you couldn’t apply it when helpful. We do not live in an all or nothing world, and telling yourself otherwise is just another way to prolong your suffering.